Never Still Applies

Today I want to respond to a comment that was left on this post. I certainly do not want to upset the visitor who left this comment because I appreciate comments, so I almost didn’t respond, but after thinking about this for several days, I decided that I need to (for own healing) address this comment. To my vistor in question, "I'm sorry if I misread your comment."

The comment: “I do want to argue against some of your post. You know better than I, probably, that 'never' and 'always' only work halfway with multis. And with someone who is multiple because of sexual abuse as a child, yes, a child alter shouldn't, in most cases, be allowed to have sex.

But sex is a healing activity, as well. Sometimes a child alter can find that sex is a fun game and not scary, and this is healing - if approached with a partner that is careful and caring.”

I agree that the word “never” and “always” only work halfway with those of us with DID; however, I stand by my original post that a child, even when that child resides in the body of an adult, should never be subjected to sex. Sex is not a fun game for a child and it is scary.

Many victims of child sexual abuse were abused by family members or trusted family friends.  Fathers, brothers, uncles, mothers, sisters, aunts, grandfathers, grandmothers, etc. – were the very ones who perpetrated the abuse. These trusted people used the love of a child to gain access to the child – to groom the child into silence. A father said, “I do this because I love you so much.”

A trusted family friend said, “This is our special secret,” or “You’re my favorite,” or "Do you want to play a fun game?"

And these words create confusion in the child. Sometimes the child’s body responds to the abuse in a way that makes the child feel pleasure which further confuses the child and make the child feel guilty for the actions of the perpetrator.

These so called “partners” of the abused child are "careful and caring" (in their own minds), yet the abuse is still there, it is still going on, and the damage to the child is still there – even if the perpetrator left no physical bruises or scars. The emotional damage will always be there. The child may heal after years of therapy, but often a trigger can bring it all to the surface again making them feel that there is no safe person they can trust.

I agree that sex can be a healing activity when approached with a caring, gentle partner. But the sex must be between two consenting adults.

I have seen the destruction in a person who as an adult was subjected to sex while a child alter was out. Any person who is in a sexual relationship with an adult survivor of child sexual abuse, should bloody well be adult enough to back off when a child alter is out. Otherwise we head down that slippery slope that perpetraters love so much. Their views on sex allow them to justify the abuse. They can say, "She wanted it. She came on to me," when all the child in question did was give them an innocent hug or sit on their lap. I really hate perpetraters, and I could seriously put a bullet in their heads (all of them) and feel no remorse.

I stand by my statement that children should never be subjected to sex – even when the child in question resides in an adult body.