At times I wonder if what I experience is a symptom of DID or if it is just part of the human experience. For example: over the summer, I wrote some lesson plans, but now that I am back in school and using those lesson plans, there is content in them that I can’t for the life of me figure out how it connects or the reasoning behind it. Luckily, they are Word files, so I alter them to work.
I struggle with depression this time of year; not as much as I used to, but I still struggle. I feel overwhelmed by everything I need to do as a teacher. I am behind on my grading because other parts are fighting for face time – or is this just part of the human experience in the world of a teacher? Do other teachers fight to keep a balance or do they just let teaching take over during the school year?
I am back in teacher mode, and that isn’t necessarily a good thing for my family life. For now, I’ve been able to slip out of teacher mode on the weekends – not entirely, but more so than last year. I know my husband doesn’t really like it when I am in teacher mode, and I don’t blame him because the alter that handles teaching doesn’t really want a husband. I find myself struggling to get to know my students this year because I will go to all the effort of building relationships with them, and they will leave in June. Next August, I’ll have to get to know 210 new students again. Is that a normal feeling for a teacher without DID – or am I having attachment issues? Please don’t feel that I won’t get to know my students – it is impossible not to get attached to them. So far this year, the students have been really great – even the ones that are a bit difficult have cute personalities.
I really like being a teacher when I am in the classroom, but when I am home, I feel resentful of the time it takes to do the job right. I still want to play, cook, garden, scrapbook, read, and spend time with my children, grandchildren, and husband. I need to be alone and recharge at times, and nine months seems like a long time before I can have that balance again. My system functions best when I am able to accommodate everyone inside – during the school year it seems impossible for that to happen. Sometimes I feel that I am doing a juggling act; unfortunately, I'm not very good at juggling.
