Sleeping Like a Baby

I discovered a great way to get to sleep last night. Usually when I go to bed at night, I think about what I still need to do at school and how I can help all my students. I think about my kids and my husband. I think about all the things I need to do at home, and as I think of all of these things, the clock marching into the early morning hours. But last night I was thinking about one of my alters – Joy. I was wondering what kind of symbol would represent her because for me that is a normal thing. Doesn't everyone do that at night - think about symbols? I thought I'd visit with her, but she was asleep as most babies are at midnight (if they are low maintenance babies). 

Joy is a toddler, and as her name implies, she is a happy little thing. I could see her sleeping – peacefully sleeping and having pleasant dreams if she was dreaming at all because that is what Joy does – enjoys every aspect of life. She looked so peaceful and angelic with her sparse, silky blond hair falling across her forehead. She was the picture of relaxation with her little hands folded up against her chubby cheek.

So, I tuned right into Joy, let her come forward, and fell asleep before I knew it. I slept better than I have for a long time. I awoke early, refreshed, and ready to face the day. Sleeping like a baby (one who sleeps through the night – not one of those high maintenance babies that wake up all night to eat) is a wonderful experience.

I think I’ll have Joy come out every night – unless the spouse is feeling snuggly because that would just be wrong on every level.

Worry #1,201

My latest worry now that I am getting older is: How does dementia interact with DID?

If at some point I get Alzheimer’s, senility, or dementia as I age, how will it manifest?

Will those close to me blame my forgetfulness on DID? Will I blame my forgetfulness on DID?

If my mind regresses, will the littles be out all the time? Will they remember what happened to us, or will they be in a state of denial? If they remember everything, I really don’t want to be there. I remember enough to know it was bad. I don’t need to know everything.

If I get dementia, will I still have DID, or will I just no longer care that I have DID? Will I leave little piles of diced cheddar cheese all over the house like my sweet elderly neighbor use to? I wonder why she did that. Maybe she had little mice friends. All I know is that she wouldn’t let me clean it up when I would go over to help her. She would replace the diced cheese piles on a regular basis, so they never got too nasty. It was kind of sweet to think of little borrowers finding food treasure throughout her house – or maybe that was my littles way of thinking at the time. I thought it was rather charming, so when I get older if I get dementia, please don’t move my cheese.

Has any research been done on this issue? I think I better find out.  My grandfather struggled with senility. One time when I hugged him, he looked so scared. He didn't have any idea who I was. I felt so bad because I had been so close to him. I was sad that he was locked in his mind and unable to process who I was.

I really hope that someday soon (although I know it won’t be) doctors will understand the human brain enough to prevent or cure Alzheimer’s, senility, and dementia. Until then, this will remain worry number 1,201.