Coming up for Air

My life of late has been busy, and hectic, and stressful, and good.

I have some new things coming up - some good, some will tax my system, but I know how to eliminate the things that aren't helpful when possible.

Being from a large family has advantages and stressors, so I am evaluating what will need to be cut because I can't cut any of the people out of my life which means the job may have to go. This is hard because I've enjoyed my job a great deal, but working in a classroom with PTSD is incredibly difficult at times - even more so than working with DID.

All is well with the husband and the dentist. Yes, I went back to the good dentist and my husband is not giving me any grief about it. He is a good man - just hard to communicate with at times. He really has no background experiences to help him deal with a person who carries the amount of baggage I carry. He was raised by two good parents in a stable, loving home. However, him being as calm and as safe as he is has allowed me to do a great deal of healing.

I want to come out to the world at some point although I know that time is not yet. I want to somehow make it easier for the world to accept those of us with more than one in our brains without them feeling we are a danger to others or a burden to shoulder. I want people to see the value, creativity, and super powers of a person with a shattered mind.

I also want people to understand why sometimes I am a little (or as the case may be, a lot) off during some of our interactions.

In the words of  Goo-goo Dolls' "Iris" (what a strange band name)
"And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"

Coming out is scary because people judge. They determine you are no longer safe. They think you are what Hollywood says DID is, and they forget all the good you've ever done and see someone broken. So, I want people to know who I am, and yet, I am very protective of that information. Most of the people in my life have no idea of who I am or that I write a blog or that I harbor 12 others inside my mind. My wish is that some day I will feel safe enough to come out to the world without feeling like a circus attraction.