The Traveling Red Dress or Blue Stone

I've been following Jenny Lawson's blog - the bloggess and came across this post: the traveling red dress. Although I don't want a red dress - partly because I wear red a lot already, so I don't feel I need one - I deny my alters many things that they want because they are impracticable. In this post Jenny says, "I want to be shocking and vivid and wear a dress as intensely amazing as the person I so want to be. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized how often we deny ourselves that red dress and all the other capricious, ridiculous, overindulgent, and silly things that we desperately want but never let ourselves have because they are simply 'not sensible'."

Which brings us to my alter Laura. You meet Laura whenever you read my blog. She does most of the writing. If you have eaten a good meal at my house, you have eaten her cooking. She is also responsible for the cleaning of my house, which may or may not get done if she isn't out. She is responsible for keeping our system running smoothly because she is very organized. You have not however, ever spoken to Laura because she doesn't talk. Laura is gentle and her favorite color is not the favorite color of any other one of my alters. She loves blue - soft blue - lightest blue - nearly white, a color I never wear.

She saw a necklace she wanted, but I immediately shut her down, saying, "But we don't have anything to wear it with. There is no point in getting it." Because Laura isn't verbal, she gets shut down a lot. She normally quietly retreats to the background.

But this time, she was empowered by the words of Jenny Lawson, and reminded me that although it doesn't match anything in the closet, it matches her. So I ordered the necklace for her. It came with earrings that she won't wear because although my ears are pierced, hers are not.

When the necklace arrived, Laura was so excited. She quickly put it on and lovingly caressed it. She felt loved and cared about by the system because although no one else may ever see the necklace, she got to wear it and touch it and feel loved.

Shadow comes out sometimes when I am shopping, and she buys odd, bright little treasures that appeal to her. Grownup and Glory do all the clothing shopping which is why nearly everything in our closet is red or green. Louisa is able to snag a few things in peach, but this annoys Grownup and Glory, but Laura, being quiet and helpful, never until now has bought anything for herself.

Now if I could just convince my husband to spend thousands of dollars to put all the things I've pinned on pinterest into our home. While spending thousands to upgrade our home into a DIDer's fantasy land isn't sensible, a small inexpensive necklace is. And Laura deserves the happiness it brings her. After all, she keeps the system running smoothly.

EEG and the DID Brain

I want to have an EEG just to see what happens in my brain when some of my alters are out. I've read that a DID brain reacts differently depending on the alter, and this will show up on an EEG. I wish there was a way to have one without having my name attached to it or it attached to my medical records. It would be interesting to see which parts of my brain are controlled by my different alters.

Maybe someday, I'll get to have this done, and my alters will feel validated.

Have any of my readers who are DID had an EEG? If so, what did you discover?

I'm Okay

No really, I am okay. When I was first diagnosed with DID, I was scared to death of what that meant for me and my life, but now three years later, I am okay. I am almost always co-conscious which is good because that means I don't lose time as much as I used to. I have alters that I prefer to be than others, but all of my alters play a role in keeping me healthy. DID is not as scary as it once was now that I know it isn't what Hollywood portrays it to be. I am thankful for that knowledge. I am thankful that DID was just a very creative way for me as little girl to survive abuse and still thrive. I am okay.

On another subject I saw a promo for a new movie called Unitard. I am annoyed by the name of this movie. In the clip, the actors said, "It is the combination of unity and, well, you know 'tard." I try hard to teach my student not to use the "R" word, and now popular culture makes it seem okay. This frustrates me. The trailer for this movie was painful to watch - it looks incredibly poorly written. I hope it tanks and that not many of my students will watch it. Yuck and boo to the producers who think the R word is funny.

Dave Hingsburger wrote a wonderful piece titled People Who "Are" the R Word. Check it out if you have a few minutes.

Psychopath?

I wasn't sure what to write about until I came across this article online tonight. The title really bothered, and the article also bothers me.

First of all I don't think it is funny or professional to make fun of mental illness. I also think that the boys this woman works with have a right to privacy - a right to not be poked fun of in the media.

The article is titled: "My Story: Learning to love 'my little psychopaths'" by Shelby Scoffield. Of course 'my little psychopaths' is in quotes, so of course we can see that she doesn't really mean it. She is just joking, so it is allright - right? Are the boys she works with psychopaths in the true sense of the word? Possibly. However, that doesn't mean that giving them this label publicly is the right thing to do.

Definition of a psychopath:

Also called: sociopath a person afflicted with a personality disorder characterized by a tendency to commit antisocial and sometimes violent acts and a failure to feel guilt for such acts. Source: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/psychopath I have met psychopaths. I would say that I probably lived with one while I was growing up. But it isn't a joke. Maybe I am just a bit sensitive because my own mental illness could cost me my job because people do not understand DID - they fear it. I do know that if I published stories of my students using their names and pictures in a way that violated FERPA laws, I would lose my job. I am shocked and saddened that this teacher did this. ***Edited to add: I see that the online news station changed the title of the story and took down the picture of the young men. I am glad, but I still think the story is awful. I can see that many of the comments express the same things I felt last night.

Happy New Year 2012

I don't make New Year's resolutions because I don't keep New Year's resolutions. I do, however, choose one little word each year. We started this tradition last year, and because I liked it, I will do it again.

This year my word is "write." This means that I will attempt to write every day. I have started a novel and a memoir, so between those two things and my blogs, I will try to write every day.

Do you make resolutions or do you choose one little word?