The Hardest Part of Starting a Blog

When I contemplated starting this blog, I had no idea that the hardest part of doing so would be figuring out what to name it. I need to write about my experiences of dealing with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder), but I fail to do so because I am the type of person who works better with deadlines. By starting this blog, I hope to feel a bit of pressure to maintain it. Google has wonderful templates to easily turn even me into a blogger.

Excitedly thinking about all the things I would write about in my new blog, I clicked on the “create your blog” button; the first thing I was asked to do was “name your blog”. Things in my brain went quiet. A name . . . a name . . . what name . . . what would be a good name . . . what would be a name that people won’t find stupid . . . what would be a name I could live with on my blog for the rest of time?

I brainstormed several ideas: relatively normal, me and more, just me, super powers, being okay with DID, parts, day to day with DID, alters – adjust for a better fit, others, alters others shadow and sun, behind green eyes, more than me, all of me, and sunshine and shadows.

I wanted to use alters, parts, or others in the title because that is what I have, but when I looked those words up in the dictionary, they had some negative meanings or in my mind had negative connotations. the term others reminds me of the Nicole Kidman movie, The Others, about ghosts and fear. It also holds the suggestion of being somehow not okay. Parts denote something that is not whole; although with all my parts, I am whole. Alters which has a meaning I love: To adjust for a better fit, also means to change or make different, and to castrate or spay. Although at this point in my life I could do without my uterus, I don’t want that connotation being thought of when someone sees the title to my blog.

Alters, parts, and others are all acceptable terms to use when talking about the different personalities that are contained in the brain of a person who has DID. Some of us prefer one over the others; I am okay with all three.

One by one, I discarded every idea except for sunshine and shadows. Many people may think that being diagnosed with DID is life ending, but it is not (unless people find out and treat you badly or fail to hire you because of your diagnosis). Being diagnosed was both scary and a relief for me. I had a name for the things that were going on in my brain. I could now learn to live with this diagnosis. Life for a person with DID is much like life for someone without DID – only different. Not everything about having DID is bad; some things about having DID are actually helpful.

Some days, this blog will be about very normal things – things that have nothing to do with DID. Some days, this blog will be all about DID. When I write about things that may be triggering for someone else with DID, I will put a warning at the beginning of the post. My intent is not to hinder the healing of another person, but to get my thoughts, memories, concerns, joys, and even the mundane down on paper – or into digital code anyway. Feel free to email me or leave comments and questions. I’ll do my best to answer everything. Remember there is a human being (with several alters) at the end of that email – please be kind. Welcome to my story of the Sunshine and Shadows in my life.