Twenty Four Days and Life in General

In twenty four days, I will be back on the clock at school. Our district gives us three paid days to set up our classroom and get everything ready for the new school year. Three days. It isn’t enough time, but it is better than nothing. Today for the first time since school got out, I am excited at the thought of a new school year. Today, I glanced at the apple bell I found at a yard sale a few weeks ago, and I felt excited.

Right now it is raining – a beautiful summer rain with thunder and lightning. I enjoy the view from my window as the rain washes the dust off the windows and the flowers. I love the power in a summer storm.

Today, my husband I watched “Chopped” on Food Network. One of the judges said to one contestant, “This dish is so polished, it is like someone else cooked it compared to what you made in the first round” (or something to that effect).

I looked at my husband and said, “Maybe it was someone else; maybe he has DID.” My husband always looks at me really oddly when I bring up DID. I think he likes to pretend that I am normal, and that he pretends it so well that he forgets I have DID. That or I have a system that functions really well. I think he forgets what it can be like when school starts. He did after all say at the end of the year, “As soon as the year ends, you need to change back to wife and mother mode” (or something to that effect).

I still struggle with alters who come out at night. Because the body is sleeping, they can’t really do much. It makes me feel like I have dementia. The alters struggle to think and do, and they can’t really do either with a sleeping body. They just need to make sure to come out in the day because sleep is necessary.

After two months off of school, I am feeling quite balanced. I hope to get enough done before the year begins to keep that balance after school starts. I also hope I get a student aid to help with the work load. I had one second semester, and it was very helpful.

I had a brief loss of time last week. I was driving home and couldn’t for the life of me place where I was. I knew I was headed home, but for a brief moment no landmarks looked familiar. I took a breath, told myself to focus, and looked for a street sign. Reading the street sign meant nothing to me. I still couldn’t place where I was, but then I was back and knew where I was. I was still on my way home. I hadn’t deviated from my path at all; I just had a different alter come out who wasn’t there when the drive home began.

All in all, life with DID is okay. It is what I have to work with. Some days I love it, and other days it scares me a bit, but in the grand scheme, I’ll take what I’m used to and continue to make progress with co-consciousness. I don’t want any of my parts to go away. I love them all for helping me survive a dangerous childhood with my sanity intact. Some may say that having DID means my sanity isn’t intact, but I disagree. I will continue to believe that it is a way of using more of my brain now that I have access to everyone.