Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother

Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

This is a pretty straightforward scripture – one of the Ten Commandments given during the time of Moses. Many people have no problem with this scripture, but for those of us who are adult survivors of childhood physical and sexual abuse that was carried out by our parents, this scripture becomes a yoke too heavy to carry. We are tied by that yoke to a parent who cannot or will not honor their child. How does one honor a parent who is undeserving of honor?

I struggled with this scripture for many years. My dad even threw this scripture in my face when he felt I didn’t come visit often enough. After I started remembering all the abuse he and his friends had inflicted upon my childhood, I prayed about this and studied my scriptures for an answer. I found it in St. Matthew 22:9 And call no man your father upon the Earth; for one is your Father, which is in heaven. Here was my answer and my freedom from needing to honor a wretch of a man. Now that I felt free to call on Heavenly Father to be my father, I understood how I could honor my dad.

By honoring my Heavenly Father, I was honoring my earthly father. If I spent time with my dad, he would without a doubt re-offend against me or my children. By allowing him to sin against us, I was giving him more sins that he would have to answer to God. How is that honoring him? By staying away from him, he is no longer able to sin against me which means less that he will be held accountable for. I choose to live the best life I can. I choose to be happy and have joy and purpose in my life. By making these choices I can honor both my Heavenly Father and my earthly father.

I am a firm believer that those who have suffered childhood abuse should not be re-victimized by the scriptures. When I struggle with a scripture, I pray about it, read the scriptures, and invariably the answer will come. If we understand how much our Heavenly Father loves us, we will know that his words were not written to cause us more distress – they are there to comfort and lift us.

Taking Control of the Nightmares

During the time I suffered from intense PTSD, I found it nearly impossible to sleep at night. I avoided sleep because it was usually interrupted by horrible nightmares or by me jolting awake because of being hyper alert even in sleep. I was afraid of sleep. I found some comfort in the scriptures. I read each night before I went to sleep, but still the nightmares came. One night, I happened upon Proverbs 3. I found a lot of wonderful things written there, but the parts the helped me the most were verses 23 to 26.

Proverbs 23 – 26: Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

I probably read this twenty times before I went to sleep. When I awakened in the night, my heart pounding, I thought of these verses and went back to sleep. My dreams started to change. Instead of waking up with no memory of the dreams, I started to remember them. I started to take control of situations in my dreams. If Dad was in a dream causing problems, I was strong enough to tell him to get away from me. If he wouldn’t, I was strong enough to pick him up and throw him away from me. In one dream I held him by the throat up against a wall and said, “Don’t call me, and don’t come see me; you have no concept of boundaries, and I can’t deal with you anymore.” I dropped him to the floor and walked away from him.

I felt like God put these verses in the Bible just for me. Did people centuries ago suffer from nightmares too? Perhaps they did and God knew that those of us who needed these verses would either find them on our own or have them pointed out to us. I am thankful for these four verses. They saved me during a very difficult time. I still had a long way to go to find forgiveness, but at least I could sleep. Yes, once in a while a bad dream would get me, but not at the level they did before.

My garden is full of surprises this year. I love tulips. With the help of the bees, my tulips are beginning to create offspring that is unique to my garden. Here are some examples of the beauty they are creating.

I often have plants come up in my garden that I didn't plant. I think they want to come join our flower party. I welcome them. I do have a boundary issue - so they have to behave and not try to choke out any other plants - if they are good, I let them stay.