And it just keeps on coming

Two weeks ago, I watched old slides with my 3d child. My little sister Danielle was pictured in the slides with her hair cut in a cute little bob that emphasized her big brown eyes. My child asked who it was because he doesn't really know her. She lives with Dad, so we don't see her. She feels sorry for him and has forgiven him for all the abuse he heaped on her.

Two days later I got a phone call saying that she was in the hospital and not expected to live. I faced my fears and went to see her. Luckily, so far, I have not run into Dad. He visits in the morning, I always go at night. Danielle is recovering and will soon return home where Dad also lives. My 3d child has enjoyed getting to know her. I have enjoyed spending time with her.

We are going to try to use Mom as a go between - a way to call her and pick her up and take her away from where she lives so that we can visit.

When Dad came to see her today, he said, "Don't let them take you away from me." We are the "them" he speaks of. He didn't want to call an ambulance for her; he would have let her die on the floor if her boyfriend and son hadn't been there, but he doesn't want us to take her away from him. He is a selfish pig.

I still wish he would die so that I could have a relationship with my sister that isn't strung with anxiety and fear of running into him. I really wish he would die. I worry about her going back to live with our abuser, but she won't have it any other way, and that makes me sad because she deserves so much more than to have verbal abuse thrown at her all day. I hate that she has gone through so much pain in her life. She amazes me because she is upbeat and positive, although today she said, "He is the biggest asshole who ever lived." She is speaking of our dad.

I still never want to see him again, but I am willing to chance it because life is too short, and I love my sister.