Saturday, June 8, 2013

When the quiet isn't helpful

There are times in the life of a person with DID when all the others go quiet. That time might be a stressful situation that the system never prepared or created an alter for - something the system could not foresee.

I've gotten used to the noise in my head and find it comforting. But when faced with a new, never before experienced trauma, the silence is deafening and panic sets in.

Anyone else with DID experience this?


Dee MultipleMe said...

I find the constant chatter somewhat stressful at times. But on the rare occation of silence, it freaks me out. For as far back as I remember I have had the voices - the other parts of me with me. So when they aren't there I wonder if I am dead or really really nutted up - I imagine it would be similar to how a hearing person would feel if they all of a sudden went deaf.

Beautifuldreamer said...

Yes, I've experienced it and don't like it one bit.

Once I asked my parts who keep watch over me at night to please go off duty. I'm not sure why I did this, but I sure regretted it later. They not only went off duty at night, they did a vanishing act for months. I felt so flat inside, as if some had taken a big old vacuum and sucked up all my personality.

Apparently the parts who disappeared are the ones who front most, so I was quite lost (and sad and scared) without them.

I've grown used to the chattering inside my head. Sometimes it's annoying and distracting--but I've found the silence to be absolutely desolating.

Sunshine and Shadows said...

Dee and Beautiful,

Thank you for your comments. It is nice to know that I am not the only one this happens to.


MultiMe said...

Happens to us, too. Sometimes it just gets very quiet. Usually it means everyone's not sure how to react to something stressful going on, so they just don't react - or act - at all. Which is eerie, and stresses me, so they stay away longer, etc... Very disturbing when it goes quiet.

Tracy said...

I couldn't imagine what you go through.
Hugs to you as it sounds like you may be going through a tough time if they are all so quiet.

Anonymous said...

This is all so interesting to me. I like the quiet. All the voices make me so anxious because they are all saying different things and I never know what to do about it. Sometimes I just like to shut off from all of it and live in logical/feelingless world. Usually I can't. But, when I can, I enjoy it for at least a while.

Kelsey Dalton said...

I don't have DID, but I was just wondering what you mean by noise in your head, just many voices? And when all the noise leaves why does it scare you? As someone without DID, I just thought that when all the noise would leave it would be comforting to just have your own thoughts. I hope none of this is offensive, just trying to learn more about DID. Thanks!

Sunshine and Shadows said...

Hi Kelsey,

I've always heard the voices, so I am used to them. They keep me company and help me feel safe. They tell me what to do and feed me extra information I may not have. When everyone is quiet, the Me that is left is often unequipped to deal with the problems or situations that are taking place. Each alter was created for a specific purpose; if they are quiet, it is hard to get anything done because the me that is left may not have any idea how to complete the task at hand. I hate feeling like I don't know what is going on.

As far as having my own thoughts - which me? There is so much intelligence in the system that I panic when they go quiet. It is like having a computer and not being able to access any files - nothing can get done.