I Finished My First Year!

I survived my first year of teaching school. It has been a hard yet rewarding experience. I learned a lot about teaching, about students, and about myself.

I learned how to design assignments that take less time to grade but that more fully measure the objective I want the students to grasp.

I learned that I have to find ways to keep my system balanced. I have to make time on the weekends for other alters to have time on the outside.

I learned that while I can manage my classroom well, I struggle if I am in the halls during passing time, and being in a dance with over 1,000 students is beyond my limits – there is simply too much information for my system to handle with that many students.

I learned that the copy room is usually really busy the first thing Monday morning, but if I get there early enough, I can still get my copies made before the bell rings.

I learned that IEP meetings and questionnaires take a lot of time, but they help me understand my students better.

I learned that my system can handle teaching. I am thankful for a system that works well together. I am thankful we have become more and more co-conscious as time goes by.

One of our teachers had a melt-down this year – in front of a class full of students. The teacher was fired because of this mental break. It makes me sad that the medical community has not yet learned enough about the human brain to understand the mechanism behind mental illnesses and conditions. Someday I hope the brain will be better understood so that instead of being fired, people with mental illnesses can be treated and get well in a world that doesn’t brand them as crazy. I understand why this teacher was let go. I understand that this teacher could not be trusted in a room of students again. I wouldn’t want my child to be in a room with this teacher in his/her state of mind, but it still makes me sad because I know that there but for the grace of God go I. I am thankful for a system that functions well. They do their job so that I always appear “normal”. It is too bad this teacher didn’t have alters – sometimes I feel like it is a super power.

Lowest Ebb

As we approach the end of the school year, I find myself questioning if I want to be a full time teacher. I enjoy teaching. For the most part, I like my students. I enjoy the staff, administration, and other faculty members at our school. I even enjoy coming up with creative and fun ways to present information to my students. I don’t like the bureaucracy or the time a teacher must spend outside of school in order to do a good job as a teacher.


My students are pretty good kids. I have a few that no matter what I do to inspire them, they refuse to do their work. I wish I could inspire them. I keep trying, but they don’t want to take the time to work. They are capable, they do okay on their testing, but they don’t want to do the day to day work, so they fail. I had dreams as a new teacher of making sure every one of my students passed, but I can’t do their work for them. I have one or two students per class who just don’t want to do the work. I have a couple of students who work really hard and still don’t get it. Those students are being tested to see how we can better meet their needs.

I work with a stellar group of teachers at my school. For the most part, our teachers really care about the students. They spend countless hours on their own dime to help our students succeed. Our administration is helpful and supportive. I don’t think I could work in a better school. However, I am burned out. I am in dire need of summer to get here. I am sick of our state leaders passing new education laws each February without waiting to see if the laws they passed last year even worked. I am tired of state leaders who add in testing that doesn’t pertain to our core. This means I have to take time away from what my students will see on their CRT tests to teach them a skill that they aren’t yet ready to master. I am tired of bureaucracy interrupting my classroom. I say, “Just leave us and alone, so we can commence learning.” Many of the new laws are demoralizing to teachers. I wish they would come spend three months in a classroom and sit through parent teacher conferences before they could pass laws that dictate which hoops we need to jump through.

The other issue I have with being a full time teacher is that my alters, who are not present during school hours, have taken over in the evenings and on weekends. It is not possible to do everything a teacher needs to do during the school day, but my alters want nothing to do with anything school related after hours. I have to fight all weekend to get things done that need to be done. I also have a problem with alters being out at night after I go to bed. I can feel them, and my sleep is not restful.

I’ve been told that next year will be better, but next year we get a new core which means I need to realign all my lesson plans and create new lesson plans. I know that this is the point of the year when teachers are at their lowest ebb, so I hope things will get better. If any of you are teachers, please tell me I’ll get through this. I’ve been told by administration that I am a good teacher. I know I reach students. I generally love being the classroom, but damn, I am tired.

School, School, School

School - I feel like it is all I think, dream, eat, and sleep.

I am six weeks into my first year. I have graded thousands of papers, survived parent teacher conferences, and will shortly, hopefully, survive my first evaluations.

I spotted a child who was labeled as lazy and gave him a new label - English Language Learner. Unfortunately, this means I don't get to keep him in my class - even though he is doing well and trying hard - because the law states he has to have a teacher who is ESL certified. I cried when I discovered his problem because I kept hearing that he was the laziest kid in the world from his other teachers. I kept saying, "I know I haven't been here long, but I don't think he is lazy. I see him trying to process. He is trying in my class."

He speaks English without an accent. He had a test score on his record that was extremely high. The test score wasn't his, but it led his teachers to brand him as lazy. It took me four weeks, countless prayers on his behalf, and research to figure out what was going on with this kid. I treated him like a language learner because his process was so similar to what I saw when I was a student teacher. After I found out why he struggled, I said to him, “I didn’t know you spoke two languages – you must be really smart.” He smiled and told me that they don’t speak English at home. I am sad to see him leave my classroom, but at least now he can thrive - he proved this in my classroom. I am proud of him. I hope he keeps progressing.

I struggle with having Trina out so much. She is a good teacher, but because she has to be out so much right now, the other parts are not getting their time. I know that next year will be easier because I will have my curriculum developed (as long as they don’t change the grade I teach). I spend countless hours creating the lesson plans for my students each day and then grading their work each night.

I love teaching, but at times I feel overwhelmed and tired. Now that my computer is working again, I will try to update the blog more often. I feel I’ve been sucked into the school vortex and can’t quite make my way out of it. Because so much of my time is spent at school or doing things related to school, I feel the rest of my life is being viewed from Trina’s eyes. She is emotionally detached from all other aspects. Often I feel I am watching my life outside of school from outside of my body. I look forward to summer when all the other parts of me can come out to play. I haven’t cooked a real meal for long time. I am planning – energy permitting – on making a real dinner tomorrow. If all goes well, I’ll have a good recipe for you soon.

Thanks for visiting my blog even when I am not here.

Sunshine